just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
