? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
