Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
