I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I've blown a few things in my day
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My liver just had a heart attack.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
