god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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