i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I am midnight drunk by noon
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
