Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
