get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
