I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
