summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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