is your mom at the bar?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
how do you play pong handcuffed?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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