I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
