let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
