you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
