Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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