Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
