he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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