Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
