the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
