The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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