Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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