i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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