and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She's the barista slut.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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