All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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