Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
