I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
