Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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