Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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