and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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