his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just want to make out with him forever
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
