Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
