3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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