I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
