It's like God shit irony all over that family
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
