Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
