My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
