bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
