i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
