The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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