So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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