you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
BRING THE BAGELS
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
