Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
