What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
