I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
