Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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