I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
