5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
