I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
The air taste purple.
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