if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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