it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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