i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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