tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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