I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
